A very somber day...

I haven't written in awhile, and the tone of this post will be different from the others. Today, my boyfriend's mother passed away after fighting a long hard battle with A.L.S. Today is both somber and peaceful. While it breaks my heart and I will miss her so very much, it is good to know she is no longer in pain. Over the last two years that I have known her, I saw her slowly loose the control she once had over her body. However, throughout everything, she maintained her sweet spirit, her happiness, and her mind. She was a remarkable woman who touched so many around her. She made me strive to have a happier outlook on life. I would, and still do, complain about my mundane life, the many small inconveniences of my day, and other minute issues. And there she was, in constant, unrelenting pain, with a smile on her face grateful for everyday. I hope someday that I can be more like her.

Rest in peace, Claire. You were loved by so many.

A few days later...

So it's only been a few days and not a lot has changed. I thought I would outline my method. Basically, it's a mix of Body for Life and the Clean Eating diet. But I'm trying to ease myself in so that I don't get overwhelmed and quit. This week I focused on eating a "clean" breakfast and cutting back on my soda intake. Next week it will be breakfast and then a snack and even less soda. And so on. And so forth. I've been holding up well, other than finding a chicken embryo in one of my eggs a few mornings back. I guess it didn't help that a few days prior to that my boyfriend and I watched a documentary about people in America and how wasteful we are with out food. So when I wanted to throw out the chicken abortion I had just performed my boyfriend insisted I scoop it out and eat what I had prepared. So being the fucking champ that I am, I did it. And I remain psychologically tormented from it. 

As for exercise, I'm trying to incorporate cardio, which I have successfully avoided like the plague for the last 2 years. My dog Bear makes it a lot easier for me. Whenever I pick up his leash, it's as if I just shoved his face into a pile of coke, and how can I say no to that. What DOESN'T help is the fact that when we finally go on our walk, Bear feels the need to show every dog in the neighborhood that he is an asshole and will mark their property as they bark from behind a fence. I warn him that one of these days, those dogs will get loose and will remember every time he lifted his leg infront of them. He remains unfazed.

So that's where I stand thus far. Not entirely eventful and fairly boring. Oh and I just found out my former P.E. teacher was arrested for having sex with a 15 year old. Though I would throw that little tidbit in for the champs that read this boring entry the entire way through. Mad props.

In the beginning...

How to begin...

Well, my name is Caitlin and one of my new years revolutions was to start a blog. A very open, and honest blog about my journey to self acceptance. I'm not going to hide anything or censor myself so if you find colorful language distasteful then leave. Now. 

A few weeks ago, I celebrated 21 years of not being in my mother's womb. Got hammerfaced. It's only proper. I have a dog name Bear (corgi/pom) and I love him more than 99% of the population. I have a terrific boyfriend whom I love to pieces as well. He has a cat we named Kitten who is deaf. And inbred. I'm going to college to get into marketing, but would like to become a bartender on the side. I mostly don't enjoy my job, for the simple fact that I'm a people pleaser and most people are not pleased to get a call about a subpoena. And then they yell at me. I can rap the entire song "Look at Me Now" with Chris Brown, featuring Busta Rhymes. I'm a pianist, but I haven't played as much as I used to. For the most part, I consider myself a pretty self confident person. I have a great family, a great boyfriend, a great circle of friends, a great dog, a deaf cat. I consider myself beautiful, fairly intelligent, mostly funny, and extremely driven (when I want to be). But there is one thing in particular I'm looking to change...

I'm what you might call fat. 

I weighed myself at the beginning of the year and came in at a whopping 221.6 lbs. Some people might be embarrassed to post that in such a public way. But this is how I see it... it's not like you can't tell I'm fat by looking at me. There's a certain point at which it becomes difficult to hide. I got my body fat percentage today and let's say I'm about 6% away from being a jellyfish. In all honesty, I don't have a huge problem with looking like this. What I DO have a problem with is being unhealthy, especially considering my family's track record. So I've decided I'm going to try everyday to be a little healthier, and I'm going to let everyone know how it's going. And HOPEFULLY by the end of this year, I'll be a lot healthier. Only time will tell...